I love Christmas.
The older I get the more missing pieces there are in my world. Two of my brothers gone, a former partner gone, my Granny and Grandpa gone, and so many of my cherished friends gone. It is at Christmas that I most keenly miss these beloved people.
This morning I was having a good old cry, sitting with my coffee in hand, gazing at the lights on the Christmas tree. During childhood there was no sense of loss, there were no fond memories. It was all wonder, excitement, and belief in a systemic goodness in the world. Now the experience of Christmas has much more depth. It now includes the loss of loved ones, and the loss of hope in systemic goodness that was based on ignorance and innocence.
This morning I was thinking, and feeling, that what has developed over the years, for me, is a sense of Christmas gratitude. The tears, and sadness of loss, lead me into a sense of wonder, at how surrounded by love my life has been, and still is.
So I am going to accept these rising tears, as I think of all the lovely people I can no longer spend time with. These tears are the gentle rain of acceptance and gratitude for having had what I have lost.
This is a part of the Christmas season for me, and has been for a very long time. Years ago, my unsuccessful attempts to be “Merry” through this part of my Christmas have amplified the pain of loss. For me, opening up my heart at Christmas initiates memories, the accompanying emotions, and finally profound gratitude, and a deeper, richer kind of hope.
Worldly
Weather
Updated on Mon, Dec 18 at 9:17 AM
7°C
FEELS LIKE 3
Rain
Wind 20 NW km/h
Humidity 98 %
Visibility 7 km
Sunrise 7:38 AM
Wind gust 30 km/h
Pressure 99 kPa
Ceiling 7400 m
Sunset 4:30 PM
Quote
“Gratitude is born in hearts that take time to count up past mercies.”
Charles E. Jefferson
1860 – 1937
Maggie, those are wonderful thoughts. Thank you for sharing them.
Sending hugs to you, Maggie! Hoping the peace and love of Christmas settles over you.
Love…Cookie
Thank you for that. I’m going to remember to be grateful for my loved ones, wherever they may be.
Love that pocket fabric.
Wendy, thank you for your wonderful affirmation! One of the most wonderful aspects of keeping this journal is what is written below my wordy wanderings.
Thank you Cookie! What a wonderful sentiment, may your holiday season bring you warmth and happiness! Love Maggie {{HUGS}}
Kate, loving and being loved is such a great thing, I think a lot of us feel gratitude without actually calling it anything, we just feel it. I have a personal habit of writing down all these feelings, but you know, if I could sing (can’t carry a tune) I would burst into song!
Thanks re the material, I love it. Most of what I sew is made from used fabrics, but this apron fabric I shopped for and purchased, it should give me a boost of cheer through the winter months.
Lovely thoughts! A very blessed Christmas to you, with lots of rich memories and maybe a few new ones to add to the mix!
Thank you Joan! Wishing you a happy and healthy holiday season, and a wonderful year in 2024!
I had so many losses during the first 10 to 20 years of my life that I don’t have many people to lose anymore. I guess we’re almost opposites in this. I’ve now spent so many years without my loves that they don’t really hurt anymore.
What a balance, huh? You with fresh hurts that mean you had many more years of love and me with old hurts that are mostly gone but meaning I didn’t experience those loves for very long.
Merry Christmas to you, Artila and Ginger, Maggie…
Teri, your life experiences are very different from mine, and I am so very glad that your losses don’t really hurt anymore! You will have incredible strengths in certain areas of life, hard won. We all have to play the hand we are dealt, with our own challenges and joys. I agree, what a balance between us!
Merry Christmas to you and DH, and your fur fellows!
Aack! Apologies for having misspelled “Attila”! Merry Christmas, all!