page by page 11051999

November 5, 1999

Short People Got No Reason...

9:28 a.m. Today feels like a blank page, blank and waiting. It is not that I have accomplished nothing. I have dealt with bills, correspondence and The Teenager already this morning. The homemade bread is in the oven; the kettle is whistling ready to make tea. Still, today feels like a blank page.

3:47 p.m. Today I have joined 4 email lists. Three deal with the issue of writing an online journal and one deals with international women' issues and is sponsored by the United Nations. I look forward to some very stimulating reading. With email lists you just never know how it is going to go. I subscribe and unsubscribe to email lists with gay abandon. After subscribing I commit myself to reading at least a weeks worth of posts before allowing a first impression to form. If that first impression is positive, I give it more time. If, however, my first impression is one of discomfort I abandon the list and unsubscribe.

The things that cause me discomfort on email lists are many. One is posts that contain "oh yeah, well you're a #^&##. How do you like that!" messages. Hey, The Teenager can provide enough melodrama in my life; I'm not out looking for more. Not only do I find this kind of interaction draining to read, I find it boring. It is also depressing to think that humans capable of using the technology to get to the list don't have anything better to say. I don't think it says much for the species.

When members display "in-crowd" behavior I will unsubscribe. When members use constant references to off-list correspondence, private jokes and acronyms I run for the hills. This just isn't my scene.

The lists I stay subscribed to (and there are many) offer information and diversity. The members generally don't know one another personally, flames are kept to minimum, questions are welcome and information is freely shared. I actually read and enjoy these lists. I seldom post unless I am asking a question or I have an answer to what I consider an obscure question that might not receive a reply otherwise.

Of course I harbor high hopes for the email lists to which I have just subscribed. So far I've read a half dozen posts from each of the journal lists and have found the posts interesting. The United Nations list mustn't be very active, no posts as of yet; it is time limited, it ends in December. I've been doing some background reading for it, associated articles available online. In all cases, it is too early to know whether I will bail out or not.

5:45 p.m. I am looking at Attila and I am laughing at myself. Attila (my male partner in life) is a few inches taller than I am. However, I always think of myself as taller than he is. What does it mean? He looks shorter to me. Photographs always surprise me. "Hey I look shorter than Attila in the that photo, what gives!" I think. When I let it slip that I think I am taller, Attila always gets this funny look on his face and then he says "yes dear" in that way that he does. I feel like a pet monkey who is trying really hard to get it right, and fails. I know that Attila is taller than I am, but I cannot (will not?) perceive it. I guess it keeps me happy and it amuses Attila.

The Teenager has grown to be taller than I am as well. Now I am the shortest member of the household! It feels strange to suddenly be "the little one". For decades I've pulled myself up tall and tackled the challenges life presented me with. I've always felt larger than life. And now, well now I am the "the little one". This has affected my MO (modus operandi), I confess. For instance, with Christmas coming I am not thinking about all the baking and gift purchasing ahead. Oh my no, I'm the "the little one" and as such I find myself carefully composing my Christmas Wish List. This is the first time in my life I have found myself doing such a thing. I would have said it is not in my nature, but apparently it is. And it is fun!

I am looking forward to seeing what other benefits I can derive from my newly acquired "little one" status. It just keeps getting better...