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November 18, 1999

Tea Time

8:41 a.m. As I opened my eyes this morning the first thing I saw was treetops gilded by the morning sun. From where I lie in my bed I can only see the heights of the trees and sky. The window in the bedroom is high. I must stand resting my chin on the sill to look out. Outdoor pedestrian activity remains unseen unless standing at the window. This affords great privacy and few opportunities for casual observation of the neighbor's activities. The earthly endeavors of the human race remain out of site and out of mind.

All the windows at the back of our house are very high, requiring close proximity to look out. The windows remained undressed for the first six years we lived here. No one could see in from ground level and we welcomed the company of tree and sky. Eventually cultural conditioning crept in and valences were purchased and hung. Still, most of the sky is still available as the valences only cover the top 3 inches of the glass. Respectability has been introduced at a small cost. If I could only keep up with cleaning the nose prints off the glass.

10:24 a.m. The demons are beating at the doors today. There are times when my inner demons become quite demanding. This journal is publicly displayed and they want their time on-line. The thing is, I don't really want to let them out. Their intentions are not honorable I'm afraid. They would like to tell stories that cannot be conveyed through the written word. They would like to tell stories that are not theirs alone to tell. But demons don't care about those things and they are pounding loudly, shouting to be heard. They are giving me a headache!

Demon days are long and trying. I suppose every demon must have his/her day (mine seem to be egalitarian when it comes to the inclusion of both genders). I allow a certain amount of emotional vetting when I am alone and no one else has to deal with the atmosphere it creates. There are situations and realities that I don't like. However much I dislike these realities, however much I deal with them successfully, I will never be comfortable or happy with them. Most of the time I just keep on keeping on. The demons visit when I have kept on too long; they will have their day. Balance is achieved in this way.

The demons are beating at the door today. I have let them in, we will sit in the sun and I will serve tea. They will talk, I will listen, and they will leave peacefully. They will not gain a direct audience on this page.