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• I have been lost in my head today. It is not that I was pleasantly pensive or entertaining high and lofty thought. No, I was having difficulty remembering, from one task to the next, how they all fit together. Although less frightening than being physically lost, mental bewilderment is disorienting. There is a reason for my confusion, a good reason. I am suffering from "computer brain". You see I am in the midst of redesigning this web site. To aid my efforts I have purchased Dreamweaver 3 for the Macintosh; I have only had the program for about a week. It is a wonderful program, but unfamiliar. I am learning quickly. Small mistakes can cause great havoc, with a program this powerful and legions of files to manage. I am a somewhat cavalier pupil. I make many small mistakes. I make a few big mistakes. I have been making the old two steps forward and one step back sort of progress all day. At one point I abandoned the computer and escaped to the kitchen to eat my confusion into submission. It worked until I returned to the computer. Believing my progress sufficient to upload, I did just that. To my absolute horror, when I checked the site with a browser I found that I had completely forgotten to include any of the links! Navigation was impossible. I went back to the drawing board in a panic and promptly froze the computer's operating system and had to reboot. It seems to work now, both the computer and the site. • It smells wonderful in our back yard. There are many kinds of flowers blooming; the two that scent the wind are the lilac and the lily of the valley. I am disappointed that it is too cold to keep the window open in my office. I must sit outside in the cold wind to enjoy the garden. Attila cut some lily of the valley for me yesterday; it sits before me on my desk. I enjoy watching the changing light play on the shadowed curve of the small white bells. • My friends Auntie Mame and Mike are having a very difficult week. Mike's Dad passed away this week; the funeral is tomorrow. Although I did not know his father, I do know that Mike is one wonderful human. His father had a hand in that, I imagine. Losing a parent is unquestionably one of life's most profound losses. I will be thinking of Mike and his family tomorrow. This past Wednesday Auntie Mame's dear and long-time friend passed away, a victim of cancer. Auntie Mame has been assisting her friend's elderly mother with the details of bereavement. It is a sad and challenging time. I do wish there were something I could do to help. In reality, the pain of loss is a necessary element of human attachment. I hope to spend some time with Auntie Mame this week; I find I crave the comfort of her presence. |
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