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When I was a child I believed that fairies were real; that my Grandmother's house was heaven; that tree gum was the raw material for the real thing; that animals were as intelligent as myself but trusted more in "God"; and that Santa Claus was my mother. Not much has changed over the years. I know now that real chewing gum is not made from tree gum and that was quite a disappointment. The thing I hated most about being a child was that I did not know I was child, I was never told. I thought of myself as a person. I knew there was something the adults were just not telling me. People kept talking to me as if my mind was missing. I could never really decide whether they were simple minded themselves or just playing nasty little games. I still do not know for sure which it was, although I have my suspicions. People in the adult world had lost their credibility by the time I had acquired language. The thing I loved the most about being a child was that I believed in myself. I was certain of my place in the scheme of the universe. I believed in "God", although the one I "talked" to had no beard and did not care about clean fingernails on a Sunday morning. I believed the sun would rise in the morning, that darkness would fall at night. I believed in setting the polliwogs free soon after they were caught, in not giving in just because I was a girl, in baiting my own hook while fishing with my Grandfather, and cleaning my own kill for the supper table. I believed that in helping others I was helping myself. I think my most important belief in those early years was that, no matter how painful, life is worth living. That belief was never challenged by anyone I respected. |
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