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Sometimes life is full of excitement and wonder. In my experience, this state of affairs is not really a function of external circumstances. It is true that the environment can work to dull the excitement and mask the wonder. External factors can also completely obliterate exuberance during times of crisis and loss. Most of the time though, I have found that the wonder of being alive channels itself into my life through mundane affairs. Perhaps I am just one of the lucky ones, but that is speculation since I have not been anyone else. I awoke at 4:15 a.m. this morning, my head full of exciting plans. Unable to return to the land of Nod, I arose at 5:05 a.m. Attila had left the house at 4:00 a.m. and left a pot of coffee on the counter; I helped myself to a steaming mug and headed out to the backyard. The temperature and humidity have been very high of late, so that the cool breeze that caressed the bare skin of my arms was very welcome. The coffee was delicious. The sound of traffic had not yet begun, allowing me to hear the soft shushing of the leaves. The paint factory over the way was not emitting any noxious fumes that early in the morning, leaving the air gentle with the scent of earth and greenery. Life is good. And what are these exciting plans that fill my head and interrupt my sleep? There is no south sea cruise on my horizon. Spending sprees are out of the question. Today I will receive no honors or accolades. What has captured my imagination at the moment is of interest to no one that I personally know. I am installing UNIX on Marjory today, or at least I am going to give it my best shot. Not your average source of joy I know. But I am having a wonderful time. It is not going smoothly, but that is just part of the fun. You see I do not need UNIX; I just want it. If I needed it the problems would loom large and frustrate me. Just wanting to install UNIX means that I can take my time and wander around the concepts at my leisure. I can follow logical dead ends and investigate my own false assumptions to exposure. I am exploring. I am playing. I am having fun wandering in a new frontier. The appeal of such a project is idiosyncratic to the time and the place in which I find myself. My entire life has consisted of putting the needs of others before my own. Some of this was appropriate; my children needed and deserved that from me during their vulnerable years. Old habits, however, are difficult to break. People who have been served in the past do not relinquish their expectations automatically. I find it necessary to make myself unavailable in order to provide others with the experiences they need for self-sufficiency. No one is willing or interested in following me into UNIX. There I walk alone, as now I must walk alone. It is a pragmatic choice, as I am still available to the family if circumstances warrant my presence. Of course, I would much rather be backpacking across Australia. Not now, not yet, perhaps not ever. I will have many choices in the future. I am an adventurer in my own mind. |
RECIPES :: Cast Worldly Distractions  A Colorful Riot By the Easy Chair Disk Operating System: User's Guide and Reference, IBM (A worthy volume rescued from a dumpster.) Airwaves The hum of motors and fans and cool air rushng past my ears. (Air Conditioning!) Weather 5:22 PM DST Temp: 29` C Humidity: 58% Wind: SE 24 mph Barometric:101.1 kPa Sunrise 5:44 AM DST Sunset 9:05 PM DST |
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