I have not been sleeping well of late. Night noises have called to me in the wee hours, fetching me from a dead sleep to a state of total wakefulness. The first night I resisted awareness as a series of buzzes tugged at my consciousness. Finally awake, I wandered through the house seeking the source of such a disturbance. I did not find it. Perhaps it was something out on the street; some of the neighbours work shift work and are very active during the hours we sleep.

The second night my eyes popped open suddenly as a beeper went off. Again, I wandered the house in search of the source; and again I failed to find it. That night I lay awake for hours until Attila's alarm finally went off and he leapt into his day. That was a very long day and I found myself quite melancholy. This was overcome with determined business on my part and I did manage to get a lot done.

Last night I awoke once more, but not to a sound. I simply found myself lying awake. It was difficult to fathom why. I had nothing on my mind. I had nothing urgent to accomplish. There were no difficult tasks looming in the day to come. On this night though, sleep stole over me while I was pondering my dilemma. This morning I arose well rested and ready for the sunny morning that lies outside my windows.

Attila and I met and began our life together as mature adults with long personal histories. As adults are wont to do, we both carried situations from the past that remained unresolved. When Attila came into my life, I had many years of parenting ahead of me. When I came into Attila's life, he had a few sticky obligations and affiliations from his past the required careful handling. In both cases, the decisions of our youth had consequences that required long term commitment.

"When it rains, it pours."

An old saying that seems quite apt in our lives right now. It all started when Attila began last year a process to satisfy an old obligation. The situation was multi-faceted and complicated. We had planned our timing carefully. Slowly, methodically, we dealt with the consequences as they presented themselves. Although things were difficult, all was going well.

While we were busy accommodating this process, Luna called to announce that she and Janus had set the date for their wedding. We were overjoyed and made plans to include the happy event in our lives. Our thoughts were that although it would be challenging under the circumstances, we would manage somehow.

The wedding was a beautiful, happy event, full of laughter and love. It was a high point in my life.

To our great surprise, another momentous event overtook us soon after Luna and Janus were married. Terra made the decision to fly from the nest. It was unexpected and not exactly what we had in mind for her. Nevertheless, there it was, suddenly she was gone and off exploring her own life on her own terms.

Soon after all these events occurred, broader events shook the outside world. On September 11, 2001 we all watched in horror and wept with disbelief at the fate of the World Trade Center towers.

Within days, we were shocked again by the news of Ariel's cancer. The shock has slowly been replaced by admiration, as she maintains her dignity and hope in such a difficult situation.

Luckily, there was a lull in the stream of momentous events throughout the fall and early winter. We continued to face the challenges of the processes we had begun the year before, until the matter from Attila's past concluded satisfactorily for all.

New Year 2002 brought the sad news of Aunt A's passing. This continues, for me, the process of becoming the oldest living generation in the family. It is a transition that one is lucky to experience, although it is difficult to face.

Now, in this New Year of 2002, Attila is wrestling with another long standing situation that has followed him here from his youth. It is being approached with integrity and determination. We are optimistic that before the summer months arrive, this situation too, can be brought to a satisfactory conclusion.

Sometimes I like to remind myself what challenges have been faced. When it is all there, in black and white letters upon the page, it solidifies into the past. The past is that which I cannot change and must acknowledge. The writing of the past provides a firm footing for the future.

There, now I can turn to the window, sip a cup of tea, and bask in the February sunshine.